im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
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