What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
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