I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Randomize
