Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Randomize
