whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
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