You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
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