i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
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