I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
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