I'm so fucking centered right now
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Randomize
