i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Randomize
