IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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