We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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