You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Randomize
