i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
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