Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Randomize
