Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Randomize
