well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
