you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Randomize
