yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Randomize