You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
