i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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