His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
