You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
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