batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Randomize
