Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
and she was petting her beer can
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
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