She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Randomize
