It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
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