Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
farters have to be the big spoon...
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
pop tarts are not kleenex
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Randomize
