you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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