oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
Randomize
