I was born with a shot glass in my hand
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
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