well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Randomize