My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
