lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Randomize
