He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
