All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
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