I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
