Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
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