I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
That was an excessively violent trivia night
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
