you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
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