this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
