yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Naked. naked and bneed help.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Randomize
