Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
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