i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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