if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize
