We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
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