i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
