I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
God gave him joint rollers for hands
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
