I wanna passion pit in your ass
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
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