I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Randomize
