We need to start having sex underwater more often.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
