Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
