Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
