My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
