I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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