In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
