I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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