oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Randomize
