We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
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