She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
