Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize