I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize
