Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
Randomize
