I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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