just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
I have feelings that need drinking.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Randomize
