Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize