So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Randomize
